To Survive or to Thrive? That is in the Answer.

Standing in line at the grocery store there's a difference between the cashiers. Most are waiting for the end of their shift. Looking at their faces you can see it's been a long day. They don't look at the patrons in the eye. You can see the automation. They're taking care of business. Surviving.

One person stands out. I watch as the young man charms the people around him. Charisma oozing. What is it? His humor? His looks? What makes a person magnetic? Positive attitude? He's living life and not just alive. He's present. He's thriving.

My mind goes back to this theory I've been cultivating. It takes me back to improvisation. To the idea of Yes, I Know, And. If someone says something outrageous there is an impulse to say "no" to what was said; to negate it.

What that does that do?  It closes down options. Shuts down a person's energy. We negate the gift that was given.

What happens when we say, "Yes!" or "I Know" and expound on it? -- A plethora of doorways open.  People stay more open to receive us because we've received them.  Even though the statement may have been outrageous.

Want an example?  A former co-worker was visiting and misheard something I said.  He then said to me, "I didn't you know ate cotton pills off your sweater."

In response, I could say, "What?  No.  I don't do that.  Who eats cotton pills off sweaters?  You can't even digest them."

Then there is an awkward silence. And we move on to a different topic of conversation with the former co-worker on the defensive because he didn't mean to offend but my response has caused him to think that he has offended me.

OR

I could say, with obvious humor, "Yes, actually, it's great fiber and I find that it's even better off of other people's sweaters.  People like me grooming them like a monkey.  It makes them feel comforted and taken care of."

And then he responds with humor, "Oh, yes.  Fiber is great for you.  Cotton must taste so much better than lice when grooming."  And we laugh and move on to the next topic of conversation.

Recognize both types of responses?  Which feels more comfortable to you as a listener?  Which do you respond to more?


The "no" response is a person who is closed and just surviving.  There's nothing wrong with that.  There are plenty of times where we choose to just survive.

The "yes" response is one of a person who is open and the "and" is a gift they give to the other person so that they can choose to run with it and expound or they can stop and just laugh.  It's a person who thrives and is open to bonding to other people -- to creating relationships -- to thriving.

In studying improvisation, I've noticed that people respond differently to me as a person when I say "Yes, I know, and..."  The openness of the "Yes, I know" and then expounding on it makes me appear quicker, funnier, more charismatic.  It allows me to be present and aware.  It prompts me to look people in the eye. And it's the combination of Open, Present, and Quick that changes a person’s energy then makes others take notice.  It draws people to you whether it's your intention to do so or not.

Doors open and you're there to notice them and walk through them if you so choose because you've already made the choice.  You chose to move beyond survival.  You chose to thrive.