You've got company

uch!"

"Oouuuccch"

"Okay, Ow"

*sigh*

"Do I really have to?"

and the answer, like good improv, is always "Yes, and"

These are the voices in my head as I keep on smacking into and slowly knocking down the walls that mark my boundaries of comfort. A lot has been going on lately in a bunch of different parts of my life. All at the same time. I feel a little bruised and worse for wear but the things that I'm learning and all the leaps and little steps forward are worth it.

I'm a big believer in "only do one hard thing at time" but sometimes what you believe and what you do (because of what life throws at you) don't exactly match.

Here are some of the things I've learned:

1. It takes a lot of energy. Energy to keep calm, to keep moving forward and not go running, screaming in the other direction pulling your hair out in panic and fear.

2. Thinking isn't always a good thing. Sometimes thinking makes you neurotic or it makes you into an insomniac. Doing is much better.

3. Courage is only the state of being so afraid of fear and it's effects that you move to do the opposite of that fear. Let me re-word that. It's being more afraid of what fear will make you into or what will happen if you let the fear take hold than of what you're fearing.

4. When your comfort zone is being ...let's say stretched...it's easy to get overwhelmed by things that normally be a challenge but you could handle.

Here are some other practical things that I've learned:

1. If you're lactose intolerant, you're only lactose intolerant to pasteurized milk. Raw milk has all the stuff in it that helps you digest.

2. There's such a thing as skim and fat free raw milk.

3. Raw milk is regulated in the State of California and safe for ingesting and good for the digestion.

4. Nuts and seeds need to be processed at low temperatures if or they lose a lot of their original nutrients. Kinda like pasteurized milk.

5. Olive oil has a low smoke point.

6. Olive oil is why I set fire to my food all the time and why I had to get renters insurance in college because I always set off the smoke alarm and the reason why I always have baking soda nearby when I cook and why everything burns. (Okay, maybe this was not so practical but I threw it in anyway.)

7. Coconut oil and Ghee (clarified butter) have high smoke points and make my place smell like coconuts when I cook. :)

8. Not all vitamins are equal.

9. It's better to eat the whole egg. Eating egg whites alone actually isn't as healthy as eating the yellow and the white because the yellow has in it the necessary stuff to digest the white part properly.

10. F*** your fear and follow your foot.

11. There are a lot of weird characters on MySpace.

12. Sometimes 1 minute isn't as long as you think it is.

13. Working for what you want is hard work even when you like it and it's even more work when it's not your fault.

14. Always go inside to the cashier to pay for gas. Never pay at the pump if you don't want your credit card to be used to buy over $300 worth of clothes in the Middle East and another 300 dollars worth of purchases for telecommunications stuff online in the Middle East.

Fraud Alerts on TransUnion, Experian, and the other credit check place can prevent people from trying to open up even more credit cards with the information they stole from your original credit card that you used at the gas pump.

15. Learning to use cash only when you've grown up using credit cards and when money is tight is a balancing act.

16. Sometimes rejection is a good thing. It could be a blessing in disguise.

17. Make sure you have good neighbors. It keeps you from a future of headaches.

In pushing boundaries on more than one side at the same time it's easy to find oneself focusing so intensely on the one thing you're doing at the moment that the world around becomes background noise.

I don't notice as much about the people around me and I'm not as perceptive. I hate that. Because when you're struggling to get to the surface for a breath of air it's good to know if you find yourself next to a shark or next to a lifeboat.

Optimistically? If you find yourself next to a shark at least you've got company.

Go Green

Okaaaay...there are red cones there now. Am I on the right street? There are the meters. Where is my car? I looked at the parking signs. I was okay right?

"All cars that were parked here were towed," said a guy who can tell from my confusion that I'd expected my car there. He must see this almost every night.

I'm in my friend Kurt's car driving to the towing car storage place.

"You're pretty calm. A lot calmer than I would be."

I'd been told to ask the valet at the nearby club about the towing company and then I called the lot to find out that my car was impounded and I needed $243.80 to get it out. Over half of the cost of tuition for the improv class that was the reason I'd traveled to Hollywood on a Sunday night in the first place. We're required to watch at least 8 shows before class ends.


At the towing company I get to my car to find that it has a $60 parking ticket on it. I ask if I need to pay the ticket too? They say yes. Great. That makes the night over $300. *sigh*

I'm still a little confused. To me, the signs weren't really clear. But looking back at my friend's comment it comes as a realization that working for a time in customer service has taught me to take responsibility when I mess up.

It doesn't do to get angry at the service person or the tow company or the city. I'm still going to have to pay. Yes, I can be upset because that's a lot of money to lose but to expend unnecessary energy over something that's done and over with and also for an error that really is, in the end, my fault...it not beneficial in the slightest.

I've spent enough of my time taking the brunt of anger from people who are unhappy because they can't get their way, or they messed up and they don't want to take any responsibility so they blame you. I can now identify when to take responsibility myself when something along the same lines happens to me.

Plus, when you put in into perspective. It's really not worth getting angry over. It's not like a family member has died. It's not like anyone close to me or I, myself, have been diagnosed with life ending disease. It's not as if my car got stolen or I no longer have a job or the means to support myself.

It's lost money which means I'll be very careful for a month or two about where my green goes. It means extra life energy spent at work instead of doing other things. And, it means that I'll be taking the metro like I usually do instead of driving to Hollywood. Whoo hoo! Go Green. In more ways than one.

Pleasant Surprises

The past two days have been filled with pleasant surprises. Little ones that make your day:

My sister tells me to take a look at a recent photo of my nephew that's been posted online for us to view and it's not what I'm expecting at all but I'm so glad to get it because it's the cutest thing.

I look at my planner thinking I've something scheduled for the evening and it's clear which then allows me to say yes to getting together with a friend who's moving the next day.

I take an IQ test for the fun of it knowing that when I was a child I was considered somewhat above average so I'm expecting the same sort of score. And I've always been the dumber one in my family. When I open my e-mail and get my score it's a 155 -- a total surprise. All that "Brain Age" on the Nintendo DS must have paid off.

Taking a walk in the morning with my sister to the post office to drop off mail and realizing they have the change of address forms my friend was looking for so I grab one for her.

I show up at work and a package of chocolate covered donettes is left for me on my desk by a friend. I looove chocolate covered donetttes.

These little surprises help me with the bigger things going on in my life that aren't so fun. And I appreciate them.

The little things go a long way.

Life is a Circus

This morning I walked up to Ronald McDonald and said, "Hi Ronald!" and he said, "Hi! Hey, I know you! You're Ali!" He was in the park where I run to help warm up the children and start off a run to raise money for and organization that helps single moms.

We took a few photos, Ronald and my sweaty self and then my sister and I went on our way finishing the run/walk intervals for the day.

About two months ago I went to go see some friends perform on a static trapeze. Not the flying trapeze of the lyrical songs about love but one of those trapeze that may not be too far off the ground and wasn't meant to go flying through the air.

Can I just say that by the end of it my jaw was on the floor and I poked at the softer parts of my body with the acknowledging nod that in life, in nature, we were made to hunt and run and gather and those soft parts I was poking have been set as a newly created standard for normal in an era of sitting in front of computers and spending time in cars going places instead of walking or running to get there?

I watched as my friends wrapped themselves around the rope and the bar and swing around in loops and one finished by hanging by the back of his neck from the trapeze without using his hands. Amazing.

And you know what? We can all learn how to do the same thing. The place is called Kinetic Theory Circus Arts and it's in Culver City, CA. They have classes.

It's tempting...until I realize that when I hang from the bar with my arms fully extended and they request that I pull myself up, my response will be..."I am pulling myself up, can't you tell?"

It's been awhile since I've gone rock climbing so my muscles have gotten soft.

Ah, well. If we all joined who would come to watch and jiggle their body fat in awe?

Another friend has just been offered a job as a clown in Cirque du Soliel's KA show in Vegas at the MGM Grand. It's a wonderful opportunity for her and it's an exciting adventure.

My hats off to these men and women. Because getting those jobs and performing those feats takes years of more than just clowning around.

Time Vortex

I have come to the conclusion that computers suck time. Time and sleep.

Here's the deal. I'd decided to upgrade my Mac Tiger OS to Leopard. So, in trying to back up my drive my external hard drive didn't have enough memory. I had to delete everything off it which took one full day.

Backing up took 2 full days and nights. The whirring of the computer was not an aid in helping me sleep. It kept me in a perpetual light level of sleep that didn't help my brain at all.

Day Four. Finally, everything is backed up and I can upgrade. I do, and with the upgrade I lose my internet connection and my printer. It seems that Leopard thought my computer ate up my Airport card and can't find my printer because the internet isn't hooked up. Another evening gone fixing it. Up until 4AM this morning and now I'm dragging at work today. But tonight I'll be completing the fix of my printer and then upgrading iLife and iWork because my iChat and a few other applications no longer work with Leopard.

And lastly, after starting the upgrade, I find out that Snow Leopard is being released on Monday. Ha!

I can't wait until I can once again get a full night's sleep without hearing the whirr of the computer or a flashing light on a hard drive or a monitor demanding that I make a choice about some need for backing up or upgrading.

In the end it'll be worth it. Won't it? Why do we bother sometimes?

After this is done, it'll be time to read a good book.

A Walk in the Dark

I love to travel. While I'm at home I'll go out for long walks or rollerblades or runs. But recently, I've been finding myself a homebody. Not wanting to go out at all when I'm home because most nights I'm out doing stuff. Today though, I picked myself up and returned to a shorter version of my 3 hour walk. I went for a walk through the neighboring 5 miles. It felt good and reminded me what a good, brisk walk in the dark can do for your soul.

Ever since childhood I've loved walking and running in the dark. It's funny, when my mood is the darkest or heavy, walking or running at night lightens it in a way that a daylight walk or run cannot. In the dark, I don't see how far I have yet to go and I can focus on the now and my thoughts. Growing up in Wisconsin, my family would always go for a walk around the neighborhood after supper. Usually around dusk and we would talk about life and bond and exercise.

In high school, I found running in winter in the dark helped me go farther and got my blood going.

Now, in Los Angeles, it's a wonderful time to enjoy exercise with a break from the sun which is so much more intense than it was in Wisconsin.

I'm careful. I travel in the safest of areas. And I have my Road ID on my shoe.

I realize that movement can move not just my body but my mood. Dancing to a good song makes me feel better too. And yet, it's the absence of movement, the stopping of the world that draws attention in that world of movement. Hmmmm....

Movement and the joy it can give people reminds me of this viral video that's been going around. It blends four things I love about life: A good surprise, good clean fun, dancing without judgement, and taking a calculated risk. It's a short video but it will put a smile on your face.

The Musical Road in Lancaster, CA

Today my sister and I went to Lancaster to see the Poppy Fields and to take a ride along the Musical Road. We went to one location and the road had been paved over. I guess the residents nearby complained and couldn't stand the noise. So they moved it. Luckily, one call to my brother solved the location issue.
(3001-3187 W Avenue G Lancaster, CA 93536)

You and listen to the road in the video below. Yeah, we had to go over it more than once. The first time it came as a surprise and the video started late. And the third time the camera ran out of memory before the end. So you'll see the 2nd take. And after take 3 we figured the flatness and sharpness had to do more with how far apart the divots were.

Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate.