30 November 2018
I did it. I failed and failed hard today. The kind of failure you only get when you actually try and go for it at a level where there is no other choice but either succeed or fail miserably.
The great thing about it is that I knew it was going to happen. The moment I got this project it scared me to the point I wanted to turn it down but I didn't. And no excuses. I tried to succeed. To the best of my ability, I worked on the project and worked hard. I pushed myself and there was nervous sweat. There were tears. Especially as I was processing the failure.
But I am sooo proud of myself. Really. I've learned so much and my skills grew. And next time, it'll be a little better. I just have to make sure I don't squirrel in the corner to hide. Just need to make sure there is a next time.
I feel satisfied in a way that succeeding on something that was super easy hasn't satisfied.
Don't get me wrong. Failing sucks. It's a blow to the ego. I feel like it's been tromped on by a child stomping and jumping up and down on it trying to snuff it out. I don't like thinking about it. I don't like knowing about a pending failure. It hurts. And yet it makes us grow.
Isn't the saying, it's not about the failure. It's about what we do with it and about it that defines us.
So, here's to laying the groundwork for success through many, many failures. And here's to having the courage to go on despite it all.
